I don’t claim to have it all together. I don’t say the right thing all the time and my motives are messy mix of Jesus and my own selfishness, yet I’m striving to love Jesus and love people. I still worry about what people think, but I’m learning to let that go in order to love.
Going up to the front of church during prayer time at the end is intimidating…people are watching! It is scary to vulnerable if you are the one in need of prayer. It is also scary if you are praying for someone else, because again people are watching. Two conversations bounce around my head: “they’re gonna think I’m amazing” or “I’m so not amazing and why am I doing this when I’ve still got all my own issues?” yet, following the Spirit’s leading is more important than following my own conflicted emotions. I was able to pray for someone else this morning instead of sitting in my seat wishing I had obeyed the Spirit’s leading. Then, when I was done this person who I went to help asked how she could pray for me. Humbling…truly humbling to have someone you know is struggling look beyond their own struggle and ask to pray for you. I’m finding those who struggle the most have the biggest hearts for ministering to those of us who try so hard to look strong, but still struggle. When you are leading others, it’s easy to forget to let your guard down and let others minister to you. So thankful for God’s grace and mercy to us when we minister; He ministers to right back to us through his people. So, God took all my mess and willing conflicted heart and used it for his glory!!!!