December 15th, 2012 My 2012 Testimony
Set free to dance….I awoke from a dream and remembered it. Not something I often do. For some reason it was vividly stuck in my mind. I was held and hugged by a tall, kind, comforting presence and then set down with this thought impressed upon my mind, “I’m you setting free to dance again.” The funny thing was I knew who had been holding me. It was Jason Gray, a musician, with the heart of pastor. You only have to listen to his music and watch his compassionate face during concert to know he understands, feels, and grapples with brokenness. This wasn’t a romantic dream. I feel like God was speaking to me through this dream, but I was hesitant to share this with anyone for fear of the dream sounding strange or inappropriate. But really, I think God was gently showing me that He wanted to hold me and was going to set me free to live again. This was sometime last spring, when I was spiritually very hungry and still broken from quitting teaching and feeling like a failure and desperately seeking community. It’s funny how I didn’t even pray for community and healing, but I think the Holy Spirit was praying that for me.
About three months later, mid-summer, God answered my heart prayer. I made a new friend through a difficult work problem. He invited me to his lifegroup, where I immediately began to find new life! I found people that loved Jesus and loved me just as I was, not for anything I did or didn’t do. Six weeks later, I began attending Oasis Church and God began wrapping me in his love and truth as we studied 1 John. I began to find true, honest fellowship with like-minded believers and was able to minister to younger believers. A new friend and old acquaintance told me, “You were made for this!” He said this in reference to my comment about having been rejected a student leader in college and my joy at being able to minister in the lifegroup now!
So, Jesus, thank you for taking an imperfect broken young woman that was angry with life, with you, with her failure, with the brokenness of life and setting her free to dance again. For breathing life into a desperately dry soul that didn’t even know how to plead for your grace! For providing new brothers and sisters that love me for who I am and pastors that constantly speak your Word and Truth into my life. Thank you that you are in the healing business Abba! Let me share that light and love with others through my life.