Monthly Archives: October 2011

Control Issues

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Who’s in control? I am, right? It’s funny that I even ask this question when I already say by my actions that I am in control. Yet, ultimately I’m beginning to realize that I’m totally not in control. When I try to be in control, my life turns into stressful chaos and I have no peace whatsoever. There’s always something else to master or gain control over, there’s never an end. You might say that’s part of life and learning and growing, which would be exactly right. Yet it’s not healthy when I’m continually trying to control every part of my life.

Ultimately, I know God is in control of everything in my life and those around me, yet I conveniently forget that and try to be in control and forge ahead with my own plans. These past few months are a prime example. I finally got a job teaching at an elementary school in early August after interviewing and working so hard to get a job. I pushed so hard to get a job and was so excited to have a job, yet I really wonder if I pushed so hard that I pushed God out of my decision. Sure, I acknowledged that he provided me with the job and asked him for the job, but did I really seek his direction? After being employed for two months, I was worn out from trying to be in control, from working 60-80 hours a week with the work I brought home, and from having to work under administration that believes “the ends justify the means,” even if it kills you in the process. I was working for administration that believed you could control everything by simply writing another procedure, but really I couldn’t control everything students would do by having another procedure in place. Not to say that procedures don’t help, but it’s hard to regulate everything! It’s the same way in life, no matter how many plans I make I can’t control the outcomes. That’s God’s job! Whose job? GOD’S!

Proverbs 16:1, 9
1 To man belong the plans of the heart,
but from the LORD comes the reply of the tongue.
9 In his heart a man plans his course,
but the LORD determines his steps.

I thought I knew I was supposed to be teaching, but I needed to tell God whatever you want, not my will but yours! Here I am with no job and more at peace that I was for the past two months. My creativity is returning and so is my joy in life! So Lord, determine my steps! I’m tired of trying to determine them myself! Use me for your glory and not mine!

All things we created through him and for him! He holds all things together. It’s not my job to hold everything together! I was created for Him! Not he for me! Yet he gave his life for me! He sustains everything by his word! He only has to speak and control things, he doesn’t have to strive and struggle! That’s incredible, unspeakable power beyond my understanding!

Colossians 1:15-17
15 The Son is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. 16 For in him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him. 17 He is before all things, and in him all things hold together.

Hebrews 1:3, 10-12
The Son is the radiance of God’s glory and the exact representation of his being, sustaining all things by his powerful word.
10 “In the beginning, O Lord, you laid the foundations of the earth, and the heavens are the work of your hands,
11 The will perish, but you remain; they will wear out like a garment.
12 You will roll them up like a robe; like a garment they will be changed.
But you remain the same, and your years will never end.
As for these verses, what more can I say except that He is in control and he knows what I need! I’m a grasshopper in his sight, yet he cares for me and promises to renew my strength so I can soar like an eagle! He is in control!

Isaiah 40:21-31
21 Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
Has it not been told you from the beginning?
Have you not understood since the earth was founded?
22 He sits enthroned above the circle of the earth,
and its people are like grasshoppers.
He stretches out the heavens like a canopy,
and spreads them out like a tent to live in.
23 He brings princes to naught
and reduces the rulers of this world to nothing.
24 No sooner are they planted,
no sooner are they sown,
no sooner do they take root in the ground,
than he blows on them and they wither,
and a whirlwind sweeps them away like chaff.
25 “To whom will you compare me?
Or who is my equal?” says the Holy One.
26 Lift your eyes and look to the heavens:
Who created all these?
He who brings out the starry host one by one,
and calls them each by name.
Because of his great power and mighty strength,
not one of them is missing.
27 Why do you say, O Jacob,
and complain, O Israel,
“My way is hidden from the LORD;
my cause is disregarded by my God”?
28 Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
29 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.